"TRUST"

Try to analyze more in your thoughts. I suddenly find out one of the very important ability has gone. Keep friends. It's nothing for me to make friens, maybe it's too easy to make so that I may lose of contact in a very short time. This is a bad sign which led by lacking of trust toward them.
I don't deny that I like Jn very much, and till now. Actually, what I have been through these days taught me something. That day, if I insist there was only few minutes talks and refused to sit on the ground, I will avoid two disasters: one is helping Jn but gain nothing in the last; the other is taking the risk of betraying Isl. Sacarstically, the motivation of telling him was because of "TRUST." If I didn't tell him then, I could avoid this breaking among MUNers. Isl's secret would not let out. Also, I won't still like Jn so much like now.
Things cannot be undone. I get more important things to do now. Find a good intern, and find a nice job. Nothing to lose right now. I mean seriously.

I know it's hard and mean but I DECIDE to.
Give up friendship among 9th muners.
That's all.

Nothing to Lose. Be Yourself. Strengthen your competence. Fight them back in a better way.
Forgot this all.

Get things done. :)

Pursuing

It shouldn't look like this.

I feel hurt.

Jn said he WILL support me if needed. But is that true? I feel myself being ignore, just as nothing had happened. And now our club had fell into pieces because of me! I gained nothing in this incident and was totally sacrifice. I screw up the relationship and here is no friendship anymore. I try to face it but leaving myself afriad. I've devoted so much time in MUN and argue with parents with mun thing all the time in the past two years. And this is what it repay! Shoot! I'm deeply depressed.

I realize something. Every tectics and skills I learned and honed in my daily life maybe it just preparing for today. You will never know what will happen tomorrow, or even the next second. This trouble should be blame on me definitely but I learned something at least. Don't do anything on impulse and especially out of your emotion. That's irrational, and it backfire some time. Don't devote your own time into pursuing something that do not last long, out of your compassion or ... .... love. I'm not quite sure whether it's love, but I'm sure that it really causedme lots of trouble. That's enough. I need job, money and a stable relationship. That's all.

Annoyed

What is the situation right now? I've invoted so much in this society for two years and more, and this is the repay? If there is nothing gain during these two years, even a friendship, then I'm totally wasting my time here! What are they thinking? Both! Both of them! I've like a fool squeazed bewteen both sides, and get nothing but lots of rage. And Andy even swiped me out of his board! Is that means the efforts I've spent on him had totally wasted? Oh, Shoooot! I see everyone in MUN as my family, and this is what its like right now. Totally sucks. shoot.

Maybe it's time for me to hang out with someone and forget all this rediculous thing asap. I know everything will be fine finally but I simply don't want to waste my time in here. That's it. I have nothing to say.

Hey you

I inhabit myself to have negative feelings. When it will take into effort? NOW!
No matter how your parents treat you, how your life is now in a mess, how shocked you were when you know what your "friends" had done, these are not all your case.

Calm down....

You ARE the person who build your life, take the responsibility and fulfill your dream.
Don't be bothered, and that's your job to keep yourself happy.
And that's all. Life is like this. Although depressed, but solved with joy.

Cheer up! Baby!

Seize the day

That's right.
It's time for me to try out something.
I'll record my achievements or failures here which help me recall if needed.

I'm already junior now, and it's the very time for me to lead a life based on "structure."
Live a structured life, think with structure, and write with structure.